Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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