no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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