I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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