Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
