The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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