the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
