3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
