Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
