:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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