the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
