What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
