Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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