if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
