dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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