Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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