I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
