...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
