I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
