First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
