Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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