Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
