grandma shit on top of the toilet
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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