I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
