Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
