I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
