you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
