i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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