I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
