So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
