Non-Jews are for practice
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
