whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
