is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
