Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i love accidental penises.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
