some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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