my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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