I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
