im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
