cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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