pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
