Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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