NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
