I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We talked him into tasing himself.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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