This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
