oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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