8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
