Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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