I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
