I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
