How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
