He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
