I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Im part way to drunk.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
