you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
